A few weeks ago, a friend posed some questions to me about religious practices. Now keep in mind two things. I am an ordained minister (interfaith) and I do not attend a church, but rather practice what I believe to be right as much as I can in my daily life. I’ll get into that more as we go along here.
The point of the question is that he and I have had some discussions on how some traditional religious practices wounded us and we have had to do and continue to do some healing around those things. So, he knows the past that I have had with traditional religious practices and has had some himself. And the other part of the question is as a healed/healing person (there is no such land as healed), what did I miss about attending mainstream churches.
I am going to preface my remarks to that I know it isn’t all churches, all beliefs, and all people who act in a way that wounds others. So, if you’re in a church and you’re happy there and feel that you’re needs as a person are being met, I am so happy for you and I am not trying to convert you or anyone else to my way of thinking. I am simply sharing my personal experiences and thoughts.
First, I just miss the sense of community. Coming together with likeminded people on a weekly basis to honor what we believe in and gather. In those spaces, and this hasn’t always happened, nothing matters but that we are all on the same page as far as belief. Not money, not social status, not what you do for a living, nothing but the fact we are coming together for the joy of believing together. Luckily, I have been able to find a community where I feel I belong, and it is a much healthier place for me.
Second, I miss the singing. Now, keep in mind that I can’t carry a tune with a bucket and a lid. Its off key and I will never quit doing the things I do to make a career out of how I sing. But I do miss all the different voices raised together. It was one of the things that fascinated me as a kid and still does today. Over the years I have gone to a more mainstream church with my family for holidays, funerals, and weddings and most of the service is lost on me since I don’t believe in religious teaching the way old school churches do it but that singing part, it still feels amazing. I also get the same feeling when you’re in a bar (hey! I’m from Wisconsin and there are a lot of them here!) and that one song comes on and before you know it, everyone is singing along to it and having a great time. It’s pure, unadulterated, spontaneous, joy.
Then, I miss the stories. I miss story time, I guess. I love how the stories have a hidden nugget of some deeper truth to them but on the opposite side of this love is the hate for the you must interpret it my way or you are wrong. I think I missed my time and would have loved the old beatnik poetry circles. Just getting up and sharing your story, your creation and allowing the person listening to it to take away their own lesson and interpretation of it. I think the bible and other religious texts have some amazing and beautiful stories to them, but we spoil the lessons in them by declaring that our interpretations are the only way to see the value of those stories. I also hated it in English class in school. Like just let me read the story and let me tell you what I took away from it. I might see something equally profound as you and be no less right, but when you tell me what I should see, you take that experience away from me.
So as a very hippie type person, who worships in nature and learns about spirituality from many different places and texts, there are things that I miss about being a part of a place of worship, but there is more about those places that I don’t miss. And I think this is the foundation of what makes what I do as a person, a coach, and an officiant unique. I am not going to tell you what to believe, but rather listen to what you tell me you believe and help you figure out how that can work to your benefit be that for business, for making a unique wedding or even just learning about who you are at your core.